Circuit board of love

Why is it that you always want what you dont or cant have? I find is so strange that the absence of something or someone can give you a whole new perspective on things.  All i want right now is what i no longer have, and at my own choosing is why it is gone! Why do we sabotage ourselves and our own chances at happiness? Part of me says there is a grand scheme for things and that whats meant to happen will happen, but how do i know whether to run for that bus or not? For if i dont catch that bus i could meet the love of my life on the next bus, but what happens if the love of my life was on the already departed bus?  So many questions, so many thoughts, and although we do all have answers for these questions, they will differ from person to person. So do i run for that bus or wait for the next? Is there already a path set for us or are we really the creators of our own destiny? Perhaps a little of both. I do much prefer the fairytale-istic version, like the version played out in all the hollywood romances. But really guys...... does stuff like that ever happen to you? Perhaps it is all their fault for giving us false hope and unrealistic expectations. I mean do you ever see the people in the movies not ending up with the knight in shining armour? you may say yes but think about it a little harder, they will always find something good like the power of ones self, or destiny, or even throw in some dementia and make us forget the pain and hurt we have been thru. Do they ever end a movie with a person in so much pain and hurt that they no longer want to live? again you may say yes but..... were they block busters movies??????????? again you may say yes, in which case good for you! But for the hopeless romantics like me.......... its the happy endings i remember. 

 I guess what im trying to point out is the fact that in the movies they always find some happiness, so why as the human race can we not do this in real life for ourselves? Maybe its just me being negative nelly over here but i just wish we as a society would focus on the good rather then the bad, its almost like we all have a built in circuit board of despair and depression, programmed to power up at any chance of happiness. So its up to us, thats right you and me to create our own happiness, our own destiny and to choose our own paths. So get out those sledge hammers and smash up those circuit boards people, or perhaps try to turn them into a circuit board of love. One that when it powers up, looks at the positive side of life. 

There is a chance the love of my life may have been on that bus, and he is gone now never to be seen again, so very sad i know!!!!. But ill find another bus, and if there is a love of my life on there then great!!!!!! but if not........ there are always more buses, or perhaps i might even walk........        

snippits from my snapper

So when my creative side does show itself i find myself overly engrossed in that project and spend endless hours doing simple mindless things... e.g waiting for lightning.... 

Whats in a name?

I guess i should explain my my blog's name... but where to begin? I guess a good place to begin would be the beginning... as is all good places to begin.

I feel my life is best measured in relationships, im either in one, starting one, ending one or simply searching for one. Yes thats right im a hopeless romantic, ive even tried to put a ban on watching romances as they do lead to unrealistic expectations in love. I simply find I is not a capital i without someone to share I with. So firstly to point out that i am a homosexual, or rather faggot poofta or homo, what ever tickles your fancy. I came out at 18 and straight into a rather serious relationship. One that i guess has moulded my tainted view on love. We bought a house, had the white picket fence, the 2 dogs ( a substitute child for the gays) and we had a lifestyle that not many 18 yo's are accustom to. Endless dinner parties and gatherings with the whose who of the Paynesville socialites (thats a complete other blog) But it was tainted and didnt last, but not to say it didnt teach me my lessons. After that i flitted around, falling for nearly anything with a pulse that showed intrest, too many to name, some lovely but most usually ending in tears and a bottle of vodka. Then venturing straight into another LTR with a super lovely guy, but that was not to be either, nor for lack of trying. I did want it to be "it" that we all longingly search for, but it taught me that u cannot change the way of.... the gods... the heart...... of even fait, it just simply wasnt right. Which brings me to now... perhaps i shalt not enter into that at this current time, i will say it is a little messy. Not the yukky or horrible messy, just the confusing messy, the kind that makes u scratch ur head and wonder... what is happening? no really i would like to know!

 So thus brings me to the summary of this post, as u can see my life seems to be a endless search for that one true love as all of us are, some of us have found them and i say koot-os to u (i am rather jealous) but most of us are searching still, hoping, some praying me just dreaming. I know i transfix on it too much, perhaps this blogging will help me keep it under raps. So that is why i entitled my blog the suitable suitor, for it seems to be my life aim........ to find the suitable suitor.....

My suitable suitor

          

welcome to ME

So i dont protest to be techno savy in the slightest, nor do i really understand the whole "blogging" thing but everyone else is doing it...... so why cant i? I guess its the up to date version of a diary? crossed with facebook perhaps? So what to write on here? well for one im super grateful to the inventor of spell check, as english was never one of my strong points.