the departed, sleeves and cupcake

Oh the irony of a name! my departed partner was of the name sebastian, the first and only sebastian in my life (well of course with the exception of the crab in the little mermaid)....... until 7 days ago i met a man named Sebastian who is what i believe to become a good friend, and now as i sit here on this warm tuesday afternoon i have just come from the hustle and bustle of the city where i was taken on a delightful lunch outing, eating baguettes on the riverside followed by coffee and cupcakes on degraves st with another man named Sebastian. You see the irony is that i still love and care for the first sebastian ever so much, I told him i loved him only for his reply to be "i love you too but i am not 'in' love with you" So as you can imagine that was that and i called it a day, well 7 months to be more precise. I still long for his good morning msg and afterwork phone call, the cuddles and head massages. But to be with someone who isnt in love with you........ is well i guess a life without LOVE.
 So do you thinks its a total coincidence that i meet 2 Sebastian's the week of our break up (i mean its not a completely common name), or is it the gods spitting in my face? perhaps its a warning to stay away from all with this name, or maybe a sign to say i need Sebastian in my life! Oh deary me too many options to even ponder! what to do? do i discard all with this name or just ignore? im not sure! I know that none of the new Sebastian's will replace the old, but i shouldn't even compare should i? its not fair really, but a aching heart is bound to i guess. So i have given nicknames to the 2 newbies, the first being Sleeve sebastian for the simple fact that he has half a tattoo sleeve, the second i have dubbed cupcake..... cute you may say? well on our first conversation we discussed our likes of doughnuts and cupcakes and he is of the opinion that cupcakes are the new Krispy Creme and promised to take me for cupcakes, hence the cupcake outing today. He suggested Max after i told him my predicament but i think cupcakes by far the better option.

tell me what i want!!!!!

 You see, ive come to the realisation that i kinda need a little bit of drama in my life, i also need romance and funny enough the two go hand in hand for me. Ive been told by numerous psychics that i wont be with the same person for ever, and that i also havnt met the right person yet. I really wish they had of given a better description of him, actually they said it could even be a she!!!!! Will i ever be 100% happy in love? or is that all just a myth? are those people that are in loving relationships really 100% happy? If so im sickly jealous that they are. I guess im pondering on the though of me maybe having to higher expectations in romance. I dont really think anyone is 100% in love, there is always something wrong........ isnt there? My mum always says dont judge a book by its cover, and the same goes with a loving couple. For we dont know what really goes on when they are at home, when they are alone. Is there really a key out there somewhere to fit my lock? To unlock my heart and take it as their own. I would greatly give my heart away to anyone who mildly fits my long list of pre-credentuals, just at the hope of finding that happiness. But i think i do tend to give my heart away a bit to easily. I think my problem is i dont even know what it is im looking for! Imagine that, getting up in the morning and looking franticly to find that something.... but what is it, but what are you looking for? I know right! it would be irritating! and i kinda feel thats where im at in life at the moment. Can someone else please tell me what i want?

Murphys Law......... ALL SO TRUE!

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.


You will always find something in the last place you look.


No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.


The other line always moves faster.


In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.


Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.


If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.


If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.


When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.


Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.


Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.


In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.


There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.


When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.


Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Listen to yourself!

How is it that u always know what is best for other people but cant work out what truly is best for yourself? I think i am rather good at giving advice, well id even go as far as saying im wonderful at giving advice....... but when it comes to giving myself advice i suck! I think the majority of people are the same. Its so ridiculous that i can guide someone else in the right direction, or solve all the problems in their life and yet still cant do that for myself? Do i think im lying to myself when im giving myself advice? Hmmmm a hard ponder indeed! I think at the end of the day we all know what we as a person want and need, but its always so much easier to listen, and makes so much more sense when coming from someone elses mouth, why is this? Perhaps i should try doing a voice recording giving me all the answers to my own questions, and listen ever so intently, do you think ill listen then?....... hmmmm i think not.